The exploration of trauma is a common theme in literature and art, as many artists use their personal experiences to create powerful works. Francisco Goya’s „The Disasters of War“ and Sylvia Plath’s „The Bell Jar“ are just a few examples of the haunting and emotional pieces that have resulted from this exploration. Though the subject matter can be difficult to face, these works allow audiences to gain a deeper understanding of people’s struggles and hardships. Moreover, they offer a way to process and come to terms with trauma and its effects on one’s perspective. For both the creator and the audience, such pieces can be sources of healing and empowerment. Depicting trauma in literature isn’t very easy. Visuals seem much more impactful and helpful in talking about it.
Today I want to talk about a Korean Rapper named Agust D, who just released his new album „D-Day„.
In this album is one particular song that made me write this blog post. The album is already a week old but the song was hitting very close to home, so I really needed some time to digest it.
In fact, the song is part of a Trilogy. In his previous Mixtape „D-2“, Agust D had a song called „Daechwita“ that is connected to the song that made me write these lines. The song I am talking about is called „AMYGDALA„.
In order to understand Agust D’s Trauma and fear, we need to dive deep into his very personal life. He is always very straightforward and personal in his lyrics. As stated, in 2020, he released „Daechwita“ (it means a certain song that is played when the Army is marching or a king arrives. Even today it is usually played when heads of countries visit Korea). The song was followed by the 2023 released song „Haegeum“ (which is a) a traditional Korean instrument, and b) means to lift a ban/to unlock something). „Amygdala“ is the third song in this trilogy. Up to Amgydala, the fans had not very much of an idea about the true motive of the music videos that accompanied these three songs. There were speculations, but just with „Amygdala“ things were put into the right places like puzzle pieces.
The amygdala is an almond-shaped little region in your brain. It is essential for your memories and responses to trauma. So if you can’t forget that car accident or that mugging or you’re fearful of the open ocean, you can thank that tiny part of your brain for that. It is responsible for emotional learning.
Agust D begs in „Amgydala“ to be saved by the almond-shaped little region, to forget all the trauma he has received. Deleting his memories of his scooter accident, that left his shoulder permanently damaged and him living in fear that he’d be kicked out of a trainee program to become an Idol (btw, Agust D is D-Town SUGA backwards. And SUGA is a member of BTS. D stands for Daegu, his hometown). He just had his shoulder surgery in 2020, after almost 8 years of chronic pain. In the MV and in this song, he works through his traumas. In his documentary on Disney+ (SUGA: Road to D-Day), he stated that this song gave him the heaviest mood swings because he had to dive into memories he wished to forget.
We often want to forget what is bad for us. We press it into the uttermost nook of our conscience and hope to never have to venture into that dark and dusty corner of our mind ever again. Acting as if we are absolutely fine. But then we get triggered by something mundane and all the trauma bursts to the surface like an untamed beast. Agust D talks about that in „Amygdala“ as well, more visually than lyrically.
But now, let’s have a look at the trilogy so you can get an idea of how he decided to work through his trauma in a very creative and healing way that inspired others to do the same. PLEASE ACTIVATE THE CC ON THE MV FOR ENGLISH SUBS
MV #1: DAECHWITA
In the MV we can see two main characters. A blond King and a black-haired beggar. We also see that the King has lost his marbles and is a tyrant. He comes from Agust D’s 2016 Mixtape „Agust D“ and has grown into this megalomaniac king who beheads everyone who pisses him off. In comes the beggar who also seems to come from a different time and he challenges the king, which of course lands him in prison and then to be executed, but as it turns out the beggar is actually a usurper, who planned a coup against the King and won by shooting the king. In his 2020 live stream in regards to the mixtape, Agust D stated that the king has a name. „Anger.“ Important to note is the scar that both versions of Agust D sport over their left eye.
MV #2: Haegeum
This music video starts with Agust D committing murder with chopsticks and then raiding a drug lab for money. Yes, it starts pretty intense and the first thing you will notice is that this (very cocky) Agust D doesn’t has a scar. He walks in, past a man who hectically calls someone, and gets the money he is here for, while his six gang buddies take care of the rest. The man on the phone calls his Boss, who – would you believe it – is a cop with a scar over his left eye. The usurper has become a drug boss and detective. So it is again Agust D vs Agust D, just like in Daechwita. What we can also see is that the scar has healed quite a bit. I call the non-scar Agust D „Kitty gang boss“ and it is more of an inside joke, so please don’t frown. Kitty gang boss actually deliberately hit this drug lab because he wants the cop to find him. He does find him and it ends up in a little water treatment for the kitty gang boss inside a barrel (a classic). What the cop doesn’t know, at the bottom of the barrel is a gun, which kitty gang boss uses to kill the cop. Again, Agust D killed the megalomaniac, tyrant version of himself. And with the kitty gang Boss not having a scar, it seems the cycle finally ends.
MV #3 AMYGDALA
I think you can see that this MV already tells you that it will be tough. Given it is age restricted. In this MV we find out how Agust D got his scar. Plain and simple. It starts with him seemingly waking from a nightmare of him having his accident (trauma response), and he sees himself still sleeping on the couch. Then we see him in a green hoodie snacking on something, before he actually really wakes up and finds a box cutter in his hand. He uses the cutter to cut his own face, hence receiving the scar. We see him sitting on the couch and chuckling and if you have paid attention, then you realize that this is the moment the king „Anger“ is born. He tries to get out of the room, but the door closes right in front of him. We again see the green hoodie Agust D and this time we also realize he eats almonds (= Amgydala) and almost seems amused at the failure of the king. The green hoodie Agust D represents Trauma.
THE STORYLINE
Now… it was quite the twist to realize that all these versions of Agust D were mere mental images and manifestations of his trauma, represented by the scar. The last Agust D is the real one, finally putting an end to his own trauma and the suffering he had going through because of it.
So the correct way of watching the story would be „AMGYDALA“, „Daechwita“ and then Haegeum, though it definitely takes away the plot twist. We see Agust D beating his own trauma, creating a new self. He says in Amygdala: The neverending trials failed to kill me, and once again I bloom a lotus flower.
There is so much power in this one line, is there not? We all know the proverb: „What doesn’t kill me, makes me stronger!“ but here, even though it is the same sentiment, it is so much more gentle and brighter. It has a softness to it. In the song he talks about the best and second-best choices, the „what if’s“ after trauma and how a part of him hopes he picked the right choices every time and that this was just in store for him. In the MV he cannot save the king. So this journey of slowly healing starts, which has its first peak in killing the king, aka killing the ANGER inside him. The final part is killing his own GREED (cop/usurper Agust D). Greed in terms of wanting to be perfectly fine again. To not feel any pain anymore and to forget all of this ever happened. Trauma will never leave you, nor will the pain connected to it. But you can still heal from it by learning how to deal with it so it doesn’t affect you anymore.
It’s a powerful and raw exploration of the human psyche and the emotions that we often try to suppress. The visuals and lyrics are intense, but they also offer a message of hope and resilience. So, if you, too, have trauma, I, too, hope that you will grow and bloom like a lotus flower.
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